of course. lets lasso hookers.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
party gras won. party gras always wins.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
