Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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