Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
