all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
