Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
