from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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