First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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