If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
