I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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