i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
