It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
