I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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