Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
