You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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