is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
