you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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