i just had sex bonerless
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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