Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
