I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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