she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
