That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
