Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
