we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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