nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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