Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
