You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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