It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
