You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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