Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
why do cheetos always look like penises
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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