when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
