I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
