Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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