I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
