Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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