If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
