While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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