and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
