Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
