mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
