just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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