Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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