I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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