I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So squirting runs in the family.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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