so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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