is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
