You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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