I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
His nipple licking is glorious
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