phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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