Don't make out with my wife yet
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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