Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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