The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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